Valera (valera) wrote,

  • Music:

The Best Resignation Letter Ever.....

Date:    Sat, 6 Dec 2003 08:20:52 -0500
From:    Terry Galan <galante@MCMASTER.CA>
Subject: The Best Resignation Letter Ever.....

An actual letter of resignation from an employee of Zantex Computers,
USA, to her boss (who apparently resigned very soon afterwards).....

Dear Mr. Baker,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few
very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors
have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After
your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself
during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are
one of the few genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every nuance of
everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not
only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired
because I know how to network computer systems and you were apparently
hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you
vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time. You will never understand computers. Something as
incredibly simple as binary still gives you many options. You will also
never understand why people hate you but I am going to try and explain
it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as
telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality
than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in
others. You have a sharp-dressed useless look about you that may have
worked for your interview, but now that you actually have
responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their
talent will cover
for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you
are the green-blue algae that everyone else eats and laughs at.
Managers like you are sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing
as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full
frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation,
however I have a few parting thoughts.

1) When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal
for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt
me is "I prefer not to comment". I will have friends randomly call you
over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you
will be unable to do it on your own.

2) I have all the passwords to every account in the system and I know
every password that you have used for the past five years. If you
decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which
I conveniently saved when you made me back up your useless files. I do
believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by
the administration.

3) When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your
Mother's birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to
take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase
them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have
never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that
those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of
a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please,
as I hate having to correct your mistakes).

Thank-you for your time and I expect the letter of recommendation on
my desk by 8:00 a.m. tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all
of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the
public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they
know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,


for those who didn't understand last time: i don't write these, i just copy, paste, and post them; hence - my name isn't Cecelia :)))
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