Valera (valera) wrote,
Valera
valera

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Peace of mind, or the lack thereof

I'm not hating the uni. I think there are moments where I am almost fully content with being in it. It also seems that I dislike it less and less with the progression of time.
And then there are times when I wish...

I'm not even sure what would satisfy me. I would be very happy if I could live at home while attending the uni. No matter how small and shitty my room in Jersey is, it's my room, its colours are the colours I like (have come to like?), it has everything in the right places and it possesses everything and anything I need. Bottom line: it's homey!

I wish I could better manage time. I keep putting everything off. I keep telling myself that if I don't start doing X right now it'll never get done, and yet I keep stalling and waiting for myself to just get up and do it. Of course it either never gets done, or gets done at the last second. Also, if there's a number of things I need to do which I'm not too happy about, I just won't think of when to do them and won't make time for it, saying something like "oh.. I'll do it all tomorrow or something." Tomorrow of course starts with something else and goes on like that for a while, until I have to rush with everything again.

So is that it? I lost my train of thought. I need friends.. friends that live close by to the friggin' uni. Before 2 something years ago I wouldn't have said that. I was used to having friends I didn't like very much and didn't mind not having around. Then Alina came along and that balance was lost. She became one of my best friends and introduced me to a whole group of people that I like very much. Problem is, now they're hella far away and I don't have time nor money to see them much. I would give so much just to be able to have someone come over in the evenings and just... do whatever.

My thoughts keep drifting away into nothingness. Thoughts > /dev/null. I wish someone would come online.. Amna, or Jenn, or Boris. Then I would sit here and not know what to say. But that's alright. With those three (and a few others) letters form themselves in my head into words which create sentences all by themselves, without any conscious thought on my part. It's so great.

I bought (well, my parents paid for it) a smallish computer table and a computer chair today. And hurt my back doing so. I was lifting box after box wth these (self assemble) tables (to find one that wasn't torn) and on the last one I was like "OK.. Something in my back just changed... eh, I'll be alright". So I put the box onto the cart, get a smaller & lighter box with the chair, but now my thoughts are more like "oh shit... I'm not gonna be able to hold this one up much longer! Dad....!" It's better now, 6 something hours later and after my mom put some heating ointment  thingie on my back.

Welp, time to finish up. I have more to say, but I don't feel like writing anymore.
Thanks for listening,
Cheers :)

P.S.
This song fits my mood perfectly!!!
Not because of it's lyrics or its meaning, but because of the mood it seems to portray/evoke
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